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[24 Feb 2019|12:42pm]
There is this way he gets, holding back 6 glasses of gins and tonics. Belching past the nausea and shooting out words quicker than Suleman's babies. Making me feel like the asshole. Confused and high, sucking in balloon air filled by a whip cream containers. 15 seconds, 15 seconds, "I'll be back to normal." Vacantly examining just how far past freshman year ideals he's gone. I'll drink a bottle of overly alcoholed down diet pepsi and think about what celebrating actually used to feel like. "Here, Here! To Friday. Here, Here! to Saturday. Here, Here! to Wednesday?" How far hes come- here's how far we've come. Past what used to be fun and arriving at an unforgivable routine. Another $40 down and another week feeding myself off Duane Reade food. Fat Tuesday-Famine Tuesday. Remember how far I've come. How much further I can go and how our routines evaporate our spirits, slowely, until we're left with an awful week, month, year- promising ourselves that things will be different- that we're different, but aren't we're the same- always holding back 6 glasses of gins and tonics.
shoot a mongoose

[18 Jan 2017|11:39am]
This weather leaves New York like a ghost town. I can't stand it- but I'm part of the problem, hidden away in my bedroom.
shoot a mongoose

[27 Dec 2016|07:41pm]
I like to think that this New Year will ring in a healthy lifestyle change, but thanks to Christmas I'll be spending my days playing on my new mac and playing wii. hmm maybe i'll use a paycheck to buy wii fit. Ehh, I'll never use it. So tired from all my Christmas adventures. Feels good to be back in Brooklyn, with new sheets.
shoot a mongoose

[23 Dec 2016|03:29pm]
Sitting outside apartment 4 floor 4 801 Driggs Ave. waiting for keys and holiday spirit. Feeling a pit grow inside of me with every Christmas movie and thought of being stuck at a table with my family. I’ll swallow 10 glasses of expensive, wine sneak some extra mozz, and beg my brother to come outside with me for a quick smoke. As Rockland air smacks against my face and reminds me of all those times when I used to call this place home- or the home I needed to have to find my real home. Still searching for that place, but 801 Driggs- you are my home, but why don’t I have the top lock key. The door should just open up and burst with the smell of pasta on the table, it should be warm, it should have have hot water. I’ll walk in- lay in bed- flip on HBO on demand- and wait for the Yulelads to strike. Going home is painful. People say you shouldn’t write for an audience, but that is all I ever do. How is it senior year of college and everything is still so chaotic and frustrating, when does acceptance and growing up happen? Where does the time go? I’m/we’re all just stuck in the same old routine, trying to get to the weekend, so we/I can drown in booze and forget about all the awful shit that goes on. I’m just a whiner. I hate being a whiner, whining about whining. Lets think about having a supportive family- a family that makes me a bed in their new homes when I arrive. If I’m lucky I’ll be able to use the washing machine.
5 dead mongoose |shoot a mongoose

[21 Sep 2016|07:35pm]
Yo Yo Yo

Life is  OK.  Things have been better. Too much stress that it puts my body in self destruct mode.  I don't take care of myself it's , I'm not a mess just  a creeping reminder that I'm not 17  anymore. I'm  halfway done with school and that is horribly scary. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Nothing really gets me too excited. I care about things and all and enjoy doing things, but as horrible as it sounds, I want money really badly.  i also want to have fun. I sound like a fucking second grader.

btw Kid Nation is amazing.

I guess in real update form- i interned all summer with Jossip.com it was awesome and unpaid so the other days I worked at the Law School Library. I am still working at the Lawbrary now it is kind of miserable, but it semi-keeps my pockets filled. Classes are pretty fucking horrible 1)research methods 2) sociological theory 3) Italian 4) Beat Reporting New York Neighborhoods. They are all kinda lot of work, but whatever. Hopefully this spring i'll be in London.

It's finally Friday and it's time to get wasted... as usual.
1 dead mongoose |shoot a mongoose

Characters Welcome- [19 May 2016|07:14pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

So in the spirit of being totally disgusted by Goose's livejournal entry it inspired me to write my own-not in the, "I'm going to shit on Goose's entry mentality."

I am done with sophomore year of college and that is just creepy. In the sense that I still stop myself sometimes and have - I am really in college moments - I pretty sure those moments will never go away. Like when I am old and hanging out with my "work friends" I'll have, "You did it kid-you made it-you are really a working citizen," moments.

I really cannot complain about my life this year. Looking over my last 10 entries or so I realized that I was a whiny little bitch last year. I couldn't come to terms with things, I couldn't accept the state that this school put me in, and I most of all couldn't manage myself. I was weak, insecure, and impressionable. Three things-I HATE- in people. This year was very much about growing up-more so than last. Living far away from school aka-having to hoard through gaggles of Chinese in Chinatown. I had to accept/embrace independence and the beauty that come from spending days hardly talking to anyone-except in classes. This is something that I would never have been able to do last year. I couldn't even eat alone last year. But now I chill, you know with a slice of pizza. Just eating a slice of pizza with nothing but myself. And you know what? I'm pretty fucking awesome.

"I may not be much but I'm all I ever think about." -somebody

So onto the what's really new with my life. Things that often sounds like a brag sheet :cough: Goose.

I'll be in the city all summer- which means ALL summer. I can't imagine being at Barnes & Noble this summer. I am working at the same old job- the Law School Library- which sucks and I make $7.50 which is pretty horrible. On my off days I will working at Jossip.com-I get to write stuff so check it out!

I'm living in Union Square- with random people (a ex-Korean military man, a huge Bajan, and an alcoholic chef)- No this isn't a new pilot program for CW-this is my life- and it's far from perfect- but it's where I am - and I better make the best of it- before CW gives it the axe.

shoot a mongoose

[25 Nov 2015|10:55am]

I am thankful for

living in chinatown

rose fathers



simply sleep


shoot a mongoose

[14 Sep 2014|03:21pm]
options options options





at being


want no no no

freedom. blah its been to long to enjoy freedom

freedom to whore myself around and have no one there to miss me.

JOE! your life is here.

Right here! outside of this room. Grab your usual umimpressive outfit

push down

go go go go go go

first I neeed a shot and a smoke and then

I will be ready.

(goes to drink and smoke)

No ill just sit here and wait for life to happen.
1 dead mongoose |shoot a mongoose

[25 Jul 2014|10:52pm]
Why was today so damn depressing.
2 dead mongoose |shoot a mongoose

[02 Jul 2014|09:54pm]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY OTHER HALF I MISS YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH! what would my life be if you weren't apart of it?

1 dead mongoose |shoot a mongoose

[30 Jun 2014|04:39pm]
I'm sorry for being so fucked up.
1 dead mongoose |shoot a mongoose

[09 Jun 2014|11:11pm]
I hate putting my life on hold. This is still life right? Life back in Rockland County, should not be considered life. Life is living in the city with people you love and you wake up every single day with a half grin and know that there are people living right next door who are waiting for you to walk in. I miss looking over at max in the bed next to me covering himself with his blankets because a frozen breeze pours through the windows of the 16th floor. I miss absolute freedom. How does life go on when you had something so good and you know you are going to have it again in a few months, but those few months. Wasted? It shouldn't be like that. Who knew that every aspect of this town that I loved was dependent on one or two people. I managed to occupy years of my life here becuase I had my bestfriend and hope of something better beyond this place. Now she is off in Boston and I am left here. Alone back to my old problems, with out someone to share every aspect of them with. Someone who would down a bottle of cough medicine with me just to pass the day at school. Instead I am lost in this town with friends that hardly call me and a job that I cant fucking stand. Surrounded by coworkers whose boring and depressed lives transend into their personalities. I want to feel life again, I dont want to drown but I can't help it. I am drowning in repitition and the hope that the days will go by faster. New York City gives me life, Rockland sucks it out. I want to be that person who can live to the fullest no matter where they are, but I can't pretend.
5 dead mongoose |shoot a mongoose

[04 Apr 2014|02:05am]
I hate the way things in my life become cyclic
a continous cycle of hopes that just seem to get crushed

I wrote a list

I'm not depressed. Just need some perspective

1)your hair
2)your eyes
3)that jacket
4)that laugh
5)that damn pin
6)that smile
7)your pedastal
8)the similarities
9)that luck
10)your taste
11)your priorities
12)your expensive jeans
13)your intelligence
14)your blindness
15)Your snore
16)your ability to seem better and more important even while you sleep
17)your sense of smell
18)your allergies
19)your voice mail
20)your eyebrow
21)That look of disgust
22)that drunken cuddle
23)the awkward sober silence
24)your dorm
25)that chicken

its funny though
i just fall to easily
I hate you
but have found a friend in you
and have found somone i really care about

if i truly have fallen for you depite the faults then what choice should i make. Is it worth making myself suffer for you, someone i just can't have?
shoot a mongoose

[29 Mar 2014|01:47am]
It used to make me laugh
I following suburban streets
understanding suppressed emotions and
I'd take her in a car
and listen
to nothing but absolutes
and idle gestures
on the hope that comes from
empty forties
id create worlds
and false ideas
but in a shallow whisper
This isn't healthy
I used to sit and write
with my faced so close to my words
that I would be reminded of my life
i mean words
every time i looked in the mirror
She used to hold me close
and remind me of times when
god this was too long ago
things have changed
For you I've given up things
traded love for love
resulting in no more 2am phone calls
and not one offering me want I want
It's for the best
How does my mind trick itself so badly
There are no rewards for Jewish noses
and no metals for upstein salads
Just the reminder
that blood trails are far too long
and far too painful
That everything goes full circle
that Karma exists
and with each exhale
of 4000 known chemicals
Something or someone out there
is waiting for me.
shoot a mongoose

[25 Mar 2014|10:33pm]

-Is your hair up? wel its getting straigtened
-Is your phone right beside you? YES! in my pocket!
-Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? no!!! You can be mine though.
-Do you miss someone? NO
-Do you wish you were somewhere else? no
-Do you have plans for tonight? yes MISSHAPES BABY!
-Are you wearing makeup? not yet!
-Are you wearing chapstick? YES! BLISTEX
-Are you cold? No im actually really hot
-Are you tired? oh yeah
-Are you excited? APATHETIC
-Are you watching t.v.? YES!.
-Are you mad at someone/something? always
-Are you wearing pajamas? NO!


-Recently done anything you regret? yes~!.
-Ever stuck gum under anything? YES!.
-Ever spit at someone? yes
-Ever kick something living? no
-Ever trip over your own feet? YESS! DAILY!.
-Ever had your nails done? no
-Ever passed out from alcohol? hahaha yes!.
-Ever thrown up because you cried so hard? no from laughing maybe
-Ever wished you would die? no


-Have any plans last week? yea
-Anything exciting happening last week? umm last week?
-Go anywhere last week? yes
-Who did you see most last week? my neighbors

-Have you cussed? yes
-Have you yelled at someone? probobly
-Have you gotten mad at someone? yes
-Have you cried? no.
-Have you called more than 3 people? yes
-Have you IMed more than 3 people? yes.
-Have you updated your myspace?yes
-Have you taken a shower? yes twice
-Have you eaten anything gross? Yes some downstein creations
1 dead mongoose |shoot a mongoose

[25 Mar 2014|08:53am]
Last night I drank too much. The night before I did too. I puked all over the sidewalk. It felt nice to get sick. I was able to maintain my composure.

I ate some damn good cookies when I got back.

I ate them alone.
shoot a mongoose

[05 Mar 2014|05:51pm]
I consume more alcohol than rice

let me see your grillz
shoot a mongoose

[04 Mar 2014|09:25am]
This City is what kills me, but also what keeps me alive.
shoot a mongoose

[29 Jan 2014|09:36pm]
Im tired of waiting

its hard to be soo broken.

I just need someone.

Someone to fix me.
1 dead mongoose |shoot a mongoose

[14 Jan 2014|10:45pm]
This break I watched movies
1) The Virgin Suicides
2) Nip Tuck Season 1
3) Nip Tuck Season 2
4) Dark Water
5) High Tension
6) The Chronicles of Narnia
7) Hedwig and The Angry Inch
8) King Kong
9) Hostel
10) Memoirs of a Geisha
11) Match Point
12) Grandmas Boy
13) Wolf Creek
14) Brokeback Mountain
15) Stage Beauty
16) Underworld
17) Blow
18) City of God
19) The Uninvited
20) A Tale of Two Sisters
21) Wishing Stairs
22) Whispering Corridors
23) Pulse
24) Dazed and Confused
25) The Deep End
26) Madagascar
27) Fargo
28) Raising Victor Vargas
29) Swingers
30) Waking Life
31) Boondock Saints
32) Battle Royal
33) Empire Records
34) Kingdom of Heaven
35) The Dentist
36) Swimming Pool
37) Coffee and Cigarettes
38) The Goonies

In all honesty this break has been amazing. I have learned very important things about myself. For the three weeks ive been home I drank twice and smoked twice. I learned to have amazing times completely sober. My Wisdom teeth are out and the process of recovery has been grueling and it is still not over my face is one huge bruise, i can't wait to eat This accounts for much more than half of my movie list. It was enjoyable to spend the day with people I don't usually hang out with and i hope some of them visit me at school this semester, especially alanna. I do wish that the end of my break wasn't spent at home recovering because there were a lot of people who I still haven't seen and who I love none the less.
3 dead mongoose |shoot a mongoose

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